When I was in my
30-day Ignitian Retreat. I remember how I cry when I was following Christ in
the Calvary. I am always saying that I am afraid, I can’t Lord, why I need to
do it? But reflecting and looking back all the bad things I done and how I
became so selfish in my 25 years of my life and how I was doing immoral acts
secretly. I stop talking and began to cry. My sufferings is not enough on the
suffering that the Lord Jesus Christ experienced. In my diary I said “I deserve to nail my hands and feet and
deserve in your place rather than you suffer a lot because of my sins, please
come down and nail me in your cross” I was very tired in my meditations
that I feel every second of every serious point of the passion of our Christ.
In every moment I saw Mary who was very hurt in his son’s suffering.
Through that Passion that we
remember every Holy Week especially during Holy Thursday until Black Saturday,
I am always thankful for our God who is wonderful and lovable. He always taking
care of us. In my own life story, I saw how God loves me so much even I am a
product of a dysfunctional family, a product of one immoral sin but I saw how
this sin use by God to make me holy and to bless my family in a great
perfection.
During this time I remember my
own brother Darren who will celebrating his birthday these 3rd day
of September. I always pray that someday he realize how God loves him so much
and by his passion he redeemed him for all the sins that we have. I am thankful
that today my heart is already own by Christ. His cross is already mine
joyfully following him even in the Calvary and even in the day to day crosses
that I experience and I will experience.
Reggie O. Cruz
August 23, 2013
Canlubang,
Calamba, Laguna
Note: An Essay when I was at Don Bosco Seminary
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